In addition, the retired Georgia representative expressed a sense of deep disappointment that people actually seemed this willing to throw their support behind a past-his-prime reactionary with an anti-everything stance and a history of marital infidelity.
“Hell, look at me: I’m a public relations nightmare,” said Gingrich, adding that, for many years in the late ’90s and early 2000s, his name was basically a punch line. “Remember that whole thing with me divorcing my wife while she was still in the hospital recovering from cancer? For my campaign’s sake, I hope people have forgotten about that. But c’mon, it’s a pretty bleak political landscape when the presidential campaign of a known philanderer is actually getting off the ground. “
While Gingrich maintained that he does indeed want to win the presidency, he said that actually deciding to form a presidential exploratory committee and working on a campaign strategy for the election of Newt Gingrich made him slightly sick to his stomach.
Contemplating dozens of dreary appearances at political rallies in early primary states such as Iowa and New Hampshire, Gingrich told reporters that he could already feel his soul “dying a little inside” every time he thought of going out there and delivering overly rehearsed speeches about the burden on American taxpayers, Obamacare, and his national security qualifications.
Gingrich also claimed he was dreading the inevitable prospect of Newt Gingrich launching pointed yet patently unfair attacks on Obama’s lack of clear leadership in the economic crisis, while simultaneously having to repeat some stupid campaign slogan like “Taking Back America’s Future” over and over until he was completely sick of “everything coming out of Newt Gingrich’s fat face.”
“Oh, God, I don’t even want to think about all the awful things I’m going to have to say,” said Gingrich, adding that he cringed when imagining the “unbelievably phony” patriotic rhetoric that he would likely be uttering constantly. “All those empty promises and misinformed statements used to mask a selfish agenda or stir up people’s fears. I already want me to just shut the fuck up.”
Oh how I LUUUUVVVV Satire!!!!!
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